Yesterday, during one of my several 6 hour-night-long conversations with a special someone, many interesting questions were raised which were forgotten over the past year or so. Some of them, pertaining to my 5 or 10 year goals, managed to provoke my lethargic brain into finally getting some rust of it. I suppose the wringer that has started to consume me from my core was about what I want to do or accomplish over the next decade.
Since I have been back from Barcelona (August 1, 2010), I feel as if I have been on a wild doze of Acid, loosing a bit of grip on truth and reality. I guess, the simulacrum is giving way, leaving me to hang on the edge for the moment. Work, social-life and personal indulgences have been at a peak giving me a longer high than usual. I can assume that this might be the low afterwards but something is markedly different this time. I can't really describe it properly but the trough has a blend of irrational tribulations mixed with a fear that is reminiscent of a period I went through briefly in college wherein one is lost. I guess I had Dante, Homer and a host of philosophers to guide me through then but this time they might already be a bit exhausted. This time, I am afraid that I have to discover the path alone and alone not by chance, but by choice.
My character as a person revolves around change and wanting to be different, something which has a mix of my father and other people that I admire. The common elements between all great people of this world is passion and passion alone. It drives them towards a personal goal (detouring at insanity routinely) with such ferocity that the world does not seem to exist. Its like a car at 250 km/Hour where even the asphalt blends in with the green surroundings. I feel like that driver, thrilled but in danger of getting lost and crashing.
I have also come to realise that I particularly am not fond of this city and am worried about what India is becoming and stands for. I see it at every traffic light, that despite my car going beyond 20 km/Hour, there is still despair all around and much needs to be done. It is for that matter that probably, the direction I need is in front of me but that I am hesitating in choosing that path yet. Churchill once said, 'the empires of the future will be empires of the mind' and it makes sense to me instinctively. However, there is much to be done.
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